My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
