his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
