I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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