Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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