He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
