she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
