I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
