it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you would pick up someone in the library
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
