I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
