i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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