How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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