im about as happy as oj after his trial
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
