I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
