Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
