Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
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so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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