I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize