Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
