Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
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