Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
