You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
only you would photoshop your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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