i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
