cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
