Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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