I think i peed on brittanys purse
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
