I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
