Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
