I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
