I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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