How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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