he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
