I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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