omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
