just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
