how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
