Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize