it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
