I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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