dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
