i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
