Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
