I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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