im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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