Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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