Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
