yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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