Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
