Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize