hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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