I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
