it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
