I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
