I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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