We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
