i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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