I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
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