Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Shame - the story of my life.
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