so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When are your genitals available?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
