Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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