He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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