Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
