So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
