Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
