forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
