I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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