i would punch a child for taco bell
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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