it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Im part way to drunk.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
