this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
