i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
