my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
MIDGETS
????
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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