Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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