Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
