It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
