Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
