also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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