I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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