I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
