in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When did angry sex become our thing?
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She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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