A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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