i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
