i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
